“If you have to tell your wife, ‘It was a joke,’ it’s already too late. Godspeed.”

If you have to tell your wife “it was a joke,” it’s already too late. Godspeed.

Can you get me something while you’re up?

-Me to my husband even though he’s not up.

Told my husband I had WAP waiting when he got home and now he’s eating macaroni and not speaking to me.

No one tells you this before you get married but it’s really hard work bossing someone around all the time

My husband just said that “we” are going to start eating healthier.

Still haven’t found who tf he’s talking to.

I put on my husband’s deodorant and now I’m angry at the way I load the dishwasher.

I sent my husband a flirty pic while he was at work. When he got home, he asked me why I sent it. So yes, the flame of our attraction is still burning strong.

Husband, “I want to sleep in so don’t wake me up in the morning.”
Me, waking him up at 1:00 pm, “Good morning sunshine!”
Husband, “WHY DID YOU LET ME SLEEP SO LONG?”

he’s trying to be sweet by offering to do the shopping but my husbands a damned fool if he thinks im giving up my alone time wandering the grocery store

My husband and I played Rock Paper Scissors to see who had to clean up the dog shit so don’t tell me romance is dead

In marriage the phrase “with all due respect” is just a nice way of saying “bitch, I got this.”

In bed with my husband and he just used the phrases, “so soft” “absolutely amazing” and “smooth as silk.”

And he’s talking about our new sheets, ladies and gentlman. This is what it’s like to be married when you’re old.

My husband and I accidentally brushed hands while unloading the dishwasher so I guess you could say yes, we are very sexually active.

My ex husband popped up on a dating app as a potential match. Too bad you can’t leave reviews on other people’s profiles.

Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/asiawmclain/brutally-hysterical-wife-tweets

News – 21 Brutally Hysterical Wives Whose Tweets Deserve Some Seriously Loud Laughter